Doctor of Thuganomics and Death Battle Characters
by Dengar999
Summary: An alternative universe. What if Death Battle and the Death Battle characters existed around those past years like in 2001 to 2009 around the WWE's Ruthless Aggression Era? Today John Cena starts to watch an old Smackdown tape to remember his past years of wrestling of being known as 'Dr. of Thuganomics.' Dr. of Thuganomics goes freestyle on the Death Battle characters at old WWE.
1. Let's Light it Up!

******Author's Notes:**

**-Book cover image coming soon.**

**-Damn it 'writer's block' is a pain, especially being busy with school and my job which there is a lot of stuff to do. I mostly write my stories during free time during the morning and at the night. It's really hard for me to write and concentrate with noise around me which I want things to be more silence and quiet.**

**-This is an alternative universe where everything collides together as a crossover between anime, books, cartoons, comics, games, movies, plays, TV and miscellaneous.**

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**To readers and writers, I would appreciate if you can review my story, saying what you like about it and what makes it interesting. Also can you correct and fix on my grammar, punctuation, spelling please? By correcting and fixing it for me on how to make my story look good and better and on what can I do to improve it?**

**And remember! If you don't like it, don't read it or post a negative/bad comment! It's not that hard!**

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_******The following is a work of fiction in which all characters, places and things appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, places and things is purely coincidental.**_

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_"What if Death Battle and the Death Battle characters existed around those past years like in 2001 to 2009 around the WWE's Ruthless Aggression Era?"_

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******Doctor of Thuganomics and Death Battle Characters**

**Let's Light it Up!**

_Modern..._

It was Monday Night Raw tonight. At the hallways, the crowd from the arena were cheering after seeing the titantron pointing out the hallways.

A large superstar with one white eye on the right and one green eye on the left, he has long black hair with a half red mask covering his face except his mouth and nose. He wore everything black like his elbow pads, one wristband on his left wrist and a black glove on his right hand. He also wore a tank top attire and wrestling tights with boots. The design of his tank top attire and wrestling tights has some red stitches colors and his tights had an orange and red flame design on the right side of his tights.

It was Kane and he is ready to start his match to make his entrance on the way to the ring, suddenly he gets hit by a large splash of oil.

It was a Diva with long brown hair who was wearing a green tank top, 2 black small wristbands on her wrists, light blue short shorts and blue shoes.

The song _'Let's Light it Up by Kari Kimmel'_ played full blast and it was AJ Lee the one who was holding a bucket fill with oil standing there looking at Kane as he turns around checking who throw the large splash of oil on him.

Kane saw AJ Lee was the one that did it.

"Let's light it up!" AJ Lee cheered smiling and pulling out a lighter. She led Kane on fire right to his belly.

Kane started looking at himself seeing a bunch of flames from his chest going to his head. "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" He screamed so loud that he ran away while AJ Lee just stood there looking at him running.

She makes a big smile and giggled.

Kane was running away screaming at the hallways and into another room trying to get rid of the fire around his whole entire body and finding a fire extinguisher.

"Aww I love this universe," AJ Lee chuckles. "The fictional characters are awesome and things can get wacky!" She jumps up and down like a little girl as she leaves. "Now where is Mario anyway? I want to kick Samus's ass."

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**Author's Notes: This is just the first chapter.**


	2. WWE Gone PG!

**WWE gone PG!**

Around the other hallways, there were 2 superstars that are going to start a conversation and the crowd from the arena were cheering so loud as they're seeing the titantron playing live on the 2 superstars.

The first man has short blond hair and he wore black elbow pads and white wristbands. He wore black tights that have line designs on top and at his legs it has circle cross designs and they were all colored in white and light blue, he wears long black boots.

The second man has also short blond hair and he's wearing black elbow pads and wristbands. He wore black tights with white and red line designs with a star design on his right leg that's says 'R' meaning the 'Rated R Superstar.' His boots had the same white and red line designs too.

These two men were brothers in the WWE for many years of experience. It was Christian and Edge, known for their tag team group called 'Edge and Christian.'

"Do you know what I just realize?" Edge noted to his brother.

"What is it?" Christian asked to his brother.

"WWE has changed a lot, after all of those years!" Edge pointed out.

"I know right?" Christian said.

"A lot of WWE superstars and divas were retired or released from their contracts, new pay-per-views were made and the old ones are removed. Some match types are taken away not making matches as of today too violence, divas aren't that sexy no more, not much explicit language, things got too cheesy and it has become the same old shit!"

"We're at the 'Universe' era right now."

They both started pausing and looking around for a couple of seconds. Until Edge had something to say.

"WWE gone PG!" Edge pointed out.

Both of them started pausing again and looking around, then at each other for more seconds. Christian started speaking.

"Why 'Tonight is the Night?'" Christian complained about the Raw theme song.

"PG," Edge responded.

"Why no chair shots?" Christian questioned.

"PG," Edge responded again.

"Why ban piledrivers?"

"PG."

"Why not a lot of blood and gore?"

"PG…"

"Why are there no more hardcore matches?"

"PG."

"Why less cussing?"

"P…G…"

"Why are the WWE posters not brutal enough?"

"PG."

"Why no sexy divas?"

"P fucking G."

"What happen to bra and panties matches?"

"P fuck a G!"

"Why the Muppets?"

"PG!" Edge yelled at Christian's face and raged at him. "It's because of the kids that were watching WWE, now the WWE started targeting them as their target audience to make this a family program by lowering it's rating to PG."

"The kids shouldn't be watching Ruthless Aggression or Attitude era or else the WWE will think that kids are watching WWE," Christian suggested.

"Well maybe it was the Ruthless Aggression era. Well talk about childhood memoires being fucked up. Kids watching a rated 14 show, then as their growing up the show turns PG, reverse eh?"

"It's because of the WWE that witness this! They start to realize that kids like WWE so they might as well change the age rating."

"Bullshitsu!"

Christian started crossing his arms while Edge was thinking by touching his chin.

"Hey do you know what I just notice," Edge noted once again. "I notice some of the superstars are changing."

Christian starts responding. "I guess you can say that."

"Like the Great Khali, Kane, Drew Mcintyre and the Big Show," Edge said. "They have become a joke."

Christian sighed. "I agree…"

"The Great Khali can't even wrestle and he's so weak," Edge pointed out. "The Great Khali is a man that everybody feared and was unstoppable in the WWE that almost killed everyone. He was World Heavyweight Champion and he was the best. But now this giant has become a joke that he can't even win a match and is such a clown, like he gets beaten by a small wrestler or other wrestlers like what the fuck!?"

"Yeah this is just ridiculous… It's just sad…" Christian said feeling disappointed.

"Kane in the other hand was a monster that everybody fears the most. He gives a lot of pain and suffering to all of the superstars, one scary little devil… Everybody gets injured thanks to him."

"But… Ho ho ho ho! Now he is having tea parties with Daniel Bryan, the guy who looks like the guy from Epic Meal Time and I swear to god I hope Kane doesn't get beaten by Daniel Bryan. That's freaking impossible!"

"Yup no more of the 'Big Red Machine.' It's stupid how Damien Shadow beat Kane. Kane can't even survive a neckbreaker…"

"It's Sandow not 'Shadow,'" Christian corrected Edge.

"Sorry," Edge apologized.

"It's ok bro."

"And then Drew Mcintyre… The Chosen One…" Christian said. "He receives the Intercontinental Champion and the WWE Tag Team Champion. He was a pretty cool superstar, until they made him drop the ball of making him a loser."

"We can call him the 'Chosen Jobber!'" Edge answered.

Edge giggled and Christian laughed.

"We're a 3 man band!" Christian yelled as he attends to stop laughing.

"The 3 little jobbers!" Edge laughed. "Like the Great Jobber! The Great Khali!"

Christian just giggles. "They never win matches, but they're been treated like shit thanks to Vince McMahon and the writers. Slaters gonna slate, don't hinder Jinder!"

They now calmed down and stopped laughing.

"And then the Big Show?" Christian questioned.

"Yeah the Big Show," Edge answered. "Well he was like the 'Godzilla,' just knocking anyone that gets in his way-

"And then he acts like a coward," Christian interrupted.

"Exactly."

They both paused and starting thinking as they're looking around not staring at each other but just touching their chins.

"Oh remember when he cried?" Christian asked.

"Yeah it's a joke! It's a joke!" Edge shouted. "Come on WWE Big Show wouldn't cry like that, he's Godzilla not a wuss! Damn it Vince! You and your writers are ruining it!"

"Man these superstars get everything!" Christian started raging. "Santino Marella, Zack Ryder, Hornswoggle, Rey Mysterio that midget who doesn't eat his vegetables and other superstars-"

"Your mean!" Edge expressed by interrupting him. "Rey Mysterio is awesome."

"Guess what? This cheap midget bastard always gets everything with his fans and the WWE, why would you like him?"

"Well we tag team together on those good old years of the WWE. And I still like him."

"Santino and Ryder are suppose to be bad guys, Hornswoggle is a cheap little bastard, the kids love Rey Mysterio. Well give everybody a push like Heath Slater, Wade Barrett, Yoshi Tatsu, instead of making who gets to be champion, who gets to be a jobber so stupid!"

"I think everybody should be balance, nobody deserves to be a jobber!"

"And fucking John Cena…"

"John Cena…"

"This guy is so overpowered."

"Kids like John Cena. But as they get older they eventually will hate on him."

"Damn it he should not have beaten JBL at Wrestlemania 21 or else he'll end being a 'Wrestling God.'"

"Super Cena."

"Fucking Vince McMahon ruin WWE! This guy has a crush on big men."

"He sure does love John Cena!"

"I swear to god, if John Cena wins again I will-"

A shadow passes by and passes them. Both of them became silent without saying a word after seeing a man pass by.

"John Cena…" Christian said in a low tone.

"Woooh if he saw us, he would be close of calling security, staffs and Vince to get ourselves kicked and fired," Edge whispered. "Wait a minute are we being recorded live on television?"

"A few minutes ago?"

"Yeah."

"Oh shit I think we're being recorded live on television. I think we just broke the 4th wall."

"Aww fuck…"

They both stared at the shadows around the hallway knowing it was a group of people running towards them.

"Security!" Edge shouted at Christian.

Edge and Christian started running, because the security and staffs are chasing them to get them out of television due to their disrespectful behavior to the audiences.


	3. Remember the Past

**Remember the Past...**

The song 'The Night' by 'Kromestatik' was playing in the background during the crowd. No cameraman was recording anybody just yet, it was a commercial break.

There was a man walking in the hallway going to his locker room.

He wears a green cap that says 'U C Me' which the 'C' had a red circle-backslash symbol meaning the white text font letters means 'You can't see me.' He wears a green shirt that says 'Rise Above Hate Cenation' in white text font in the circle and there was a man wearing a green cap who was shirtless with muscles wearing a necklace, he has a green wristband on his left wrist, an elbow pad band saying 'Cenation' and blue shorts. The man that was doing a salute pose was John Cena in the cover design center of the shirt. On the left sleeve of the shirt it says 'Never Give Up' and on the right sleeve it says 'Hustle Loyalty Respect' showing a hand rising. He had 2 'U C Me' wristbands on his right wrist, 2 'Hustle Loyalty Respect' wristbands with hands rising on his left arm and a 'Cenation' wristband on his right elbow. He was wearing light blue shorts with black kneepads and with white socks with black running shoes.

The man was John Cena of course. He was holding the WWE championship belt, it was gold and the center of the belt has the WWE logo with 'Champion' on the bottom. The left side of the belt has a hand rising with a text saying 'Hustle Loyalty Respect' and the right side of the belt says 'U C Me.' This was a customize WWE championship belt for John Cena.

Now as John Cena was walking, he found his locker room on his left side. He opened it and went in.

"I need to see something," he said.

The song 'The Night' by 'Kromestatik' fade out and it was done playing in the background.

He went near the clothes rack to grab his black gym bag which is on the floor beside it. He went on his knees and open his gym bag, he grabbed a videotape cassette. "There it is," he answered while looking at it. "This videotape cassette was one of the old Smackdown tapes from the past years of the WWE in the Ruthless Agression Era," he noted in a low tone.

He goes near the wooden table cabinet with the medium size TV which includes a VHS machine.

He goes into his knees again and turns on the VHS machine and then the TV. He puts the videotape cassette onto the VHS machine and grabs the remote and sits down on the sofa chair. He presses the buttons on the remote to turn it on 'video' mode.

He then sit back and relaxes to enjoy the video.


	4. Opening and Superman

**Opening and Superman**

The video was loading which is blacked out. In 10 seconds it started…

On the television, it played John Cena 'Doctor of Thuganomics' 2005 titantron and the background music played a bass guitar beat solo.

This videotape cassette actually contains old Smackdown videotapes on John Cena old gimmick: 'Doctor of Thuganomics.' With him doing freestyle rap on the Death Battle characters from other series.

There was man wearing a white bucket hat, a lock chain necklace, white gym shorts with black stripes, white socks and white running shoes. He was behind a brick wall around the alleys outside doing electro dancing. It was John Cena A.K.A. Doctor of Thuganomics.

"_Yo yo yo welcome to the Doctor of Thuganomics' show, it's your home boy John Cena!" _John Cena announced in the background of the video with a 'Doctor of Thuganomics and Death Battle Characters' black and white graffiti design color text font fading in the background.'

The video fade out and then in, to the old Smackdown 2001 arena (the one with the fist.) It was crowded with people.

_Past..._

There were two men that were holding microphones at the ring standing there.

One was wearing a white and black cap with a 'WWE Retro' logo that's say 'Word Life' on the center of the logo, a lock chain necklace, a white shirt with the same logo with a black stripes' design on his arms. He had 2 black wristbands, he wore black shorts and white running shoes.

The other one has black short hair, wears a red cape, a blue tight muscle suit with a red and yellow diamond with a letter 'S' logo on his chest. He had a yellow belt, red trucks and red long boots.

"Hey Superman," John Cena said to the man with the blue tight muscle suit with the cape which is Superman.

John Cena and Superman were staring at each other.

"Yo yo Superman, I heard people are wearing Superman shirts," John Cena pointed out.

Superman nodded.

"They don't know much about you," John Cena mentioned. "They just buy your shirts and not give a shit about you."

Superman squinted wondering why while the crowd is murmuring and questioning.

"They don't even buy your merchandise, just your shirts and they watch and buy your movies not your comics or action figures and other stuff," John Cena pointed out and the crowd went silence. "It's like the band called the 'Misfits,' people try to be goth, but those Misfits shirts is for supporting the punk band the Misfits, it's not a gothic shirt to make you goth. Like what the fuck? They don't even know about the band called the Misfits?"

"Really?" Superman questioned.

"They're posers son…"

The crowd continue murmuring. Superman looked down feeling disappointed and lonely after realizing about his fans in the WWE.

"People wear t-shirts to do support on what they like or just fit their style in a fashion bro. But in the end people don't even know anything about you, but just your name and that you're a super hero. Just pointing out bro, no need to fight," John Cena shrugs. "In the future of WWE, I'll be just like you, stronger, overpower and unstoppable. And they'll call me Super Cena!" He yelled at Superman's face.


	5. Goku

**Goku**

The video fades out and fades in around the days, back to another day of Smackdown. Two people at the ring standing there at each other with mics.

It was John Cena, and he was wearing a different attire. He wears everything completely red except his lock chain, black socks and white shoes. A cap, a plan t-shirt and some pants.

And the other person had black color eyes with very long black anime hair that is spiked up. He wears an orange dōgi uniform with a navy blue short-sleeved undershirt, blue wristbands, blue belt tied in a knot, and blue striped boots. The back of his dōgi uniform has a kanji design colored in black and the outline was white. He wasn't human, but he was a Saiyan.

John Cena asked a question to the Saiyan. "Hey have you been growing your long hair, going to the gym and taking steroids-"

"What!?" Goku spoken. "No!" He revealed that he was born with long hair which it grows and turns bright yellow when he goes into Super Saiyan mode like 1, 2 or 3. He doesn't need to go to the gym to train, but he just trains himself at home and he doesn't take any steroids.

The crowd muttered.

"Well that's how to be a Super Saiyan isn't that right?" John Cena asked. "I love going to the gym, but I don't feel like having anime hair, and no I don't take steroids. I never will, I will never do."

Goku looked at John Cena in a fatigue expression.

"Dragon dragon ball… ZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Dragon dragon… Dragon Ball ZEE!" John Cena sang and then stopped. "I love this intro theme Kakarot, your show rocks."

"Thanks… And hey! My name is Goku!" Goku shouted correcting him.

"Why didn't you kept it as Kakarot? It was much better than living your name as Goku which is just a nickname," John Cena recommended. "Yo do yourself a favor and grow some dragon balls and accept it, because I got 2 dragon balls on my crotch!"

Goku reacted shocked after hearing that.

The crowded started reacting too, but loud. "Ooooooohhhhhh!"

"Besides what's with you in Dragon Ball Z: Budokai Tenkaichi 2 the game? I played it and I was playing as Cell. When I do the ultimate finisher called: 'Drain Life' on you Kakarot while you're on Super Saiyan 3 mode, your long Super Saiyan 3 hair comes out of your dragon balls," John Cena smiled and the crowd started laughing. "It even happens to your brother Raditz and anybody else that goes Super Saiyan 3. Hair comes out of your balls." John Cena laughed with the crowd too. For a minute he then stops laughing including the crowd. "I also can't wait for you to face Superman in the Pay-Per-View… The fans are courting on you boy. Superman has the balls of steel and you have the dragon balls…"


	6. Bonjour! Je m'appelle Master Chef!

**Bonjour! Je m'appelle Master Chef! Je cook!**

The video fades out and then in, same arena of course.

There was a man in the ring with a black undersuit covered with full green futuristic super soldier armor around his whole entire body and face. His helmet had an orange visor and he was a human and a Spartan.

"Bonjour! Je m'appelle Master Chef! Je cook!" He tries to speak on the microphone in French to entertain the crowd which they were all silence. "Aujourd'hui-"

A man appears by the entrance with a microphone. It was John Cena. He was wearing a black knit cap, a white tank top jersey design that says 'Number 25', a lock chain necklace, 2 black wristbands, blue shorts jeans, white socks and red running shoes. "Master Chef, Master Chief, Master Cheese…!" John Cena interrupted him by saying his official name Master Chief and 2 other nicknames while around the entrance. "Trying to speak French huh…?"

Master Chief puts his mic down and looked disappointed after being interrupted by John Cena.

"You jump like a bunny hopping noob, trying to shoot down Covenants and helping your fellow dumbass marines," John Cena mentions while hooping down to the ramp. "Your fellow dumbass marines don't even know how to drive. They better go back to driving school and learn to drive instead of going Grand Theft Auto style. I bet it's the videogames that lets them drive like that, how the hell can they graduate from the military? It doesn't even make any fucking sense." He then stops hooping around and starts walking slowly almost at the end of the ramp. "They don't even know how to aim and take cover during combat. They always shoot the wall and ground like blind bitches."

Master Chief attends to walk near the ropes feeling angry and then tries to speak in the mic until…

"Ah ah ah ah no… Before you interrupt, your theme song sounds like this," John Cena stopped moving and started singing like an opera singer. "Hooooooooooooooe hoe hoe hoe hoe hooooooooooooooooooe, hmmm hoooooooooooe hooooooooe hoooooooooooooooooooooooe hoe hoe hoe hooooooooooooooooooe, hmmm hoooooe hooe hooe hoe hoe, hoooooooe hoooooooooe hoe hoe hoe hoooooooooooooooooooooe…!"

A couple of the crowd were giggling and laughing after hearing John Cena singing the Halo theme song.

"Wow Master Chief you must have been hitting on a hoe lately, maybe it's Cortana. We all know you get in bed with her and perform a comeback on her face after you're done doing her," he pointed out.

The crowd starts reacting: "Oooooooooooooooh!" And they were laughing.

Master Chief face palmed while holding one of the ropes with one hand.

The video fades in, it advances forward.

John Cena was near the ring just at the apron on front while Master Chief was standing at the center of the ring.

"Man every time I play the Xbox Lie on Halo 3, I'm getting tired of seeing default armor," John Cena noted. "Everyone that plays Halo 3 wears Mark VI, A.K.A the official noob helmet! Everybody is a bunch of default armor noobs who can't learn to unlock armor, especially CQB being the 2nd default armor noob. When was the last time people were wearing EOD armor huh? What a bunch of filthy noobs!"

Again the video fades in and advances forward.

But John Cena was in the ring with Master Chief.

"Well John-117 you have the same name as mine: John. Well you try to speak French like you're from France which you're not," he said. "Hey here's a video I'm going to show you to my respond about you trying to speak French. Hey boys play that video," he pointed out at the titantron.

Master Chief starts looking at the titantron.

The video starts playing in the titantron. It was a room with 2 men, One was black with an afro and a mustache wearing a suit. The other one was white, he had short hair and was wearing a blue shirt with pants.

The black man yelled to the man "English motherfucker do you speak it!?" It was Jules Winnfield from Pulp Fiction that yelled.

The crowded starts reacting. "Oooooooooooohhhhh!"


End file.
